


Breaking The Ice

by Somniare



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Hypothermia, Lewis Summer Challenge 2017, M/M, body heat, post-series 6, unexpected swim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-16 03:16:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somniare/pseuds/Somniare
Summary: Robbie paused.  James's tendency to overthink and second-guess himself at work was something Robbie had learned to negotiate.  This situation, however, was uncharted territory.  ‘Here be dragons’ territory.  Big, bloody fire-breathing, hope-shattering dragons if Robbie got this wrong.





	Breaking The Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perclexed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perclexed/gifts).



> With thanks to wendymr for beta reading this twice and for encouraging me to find the heart of the story.
> 
> Thanks also go to barcardivodka, who beta read the third incarnation to ensure no Aussie-isms had crept in.
> 
> Any missing words, typos, goofs, fluffs, etc., are all my own work.

 

* * *

 

“Oof,” Robbie grunted, laying his knife and fork on the plate, and nudging it towards the centre of the table.  “Me eyes were bigger than me belly, but that was bloody worth it.”

Pork belly was a rare indulgence, and this one had been exceptional.  And large.  Robbie covered his mouth with one hand as the need to burp and relieve some pressure took priority.  Unfortunately, the burp was far louder and longer than Robbie had anticipated.  James reeled back and stared at him in mock-horror.

“Really?” James chuckled.  “I’d never have guessed.”

 It was a little after 7pm on Christmas Eve at the Victoria Arms in Marston, and Robbie Lewis and James Hathaway had just finished an early Christmas dinner.

It was shaping up to be a miserable holiday period for Robbie.  He’d been ordered to clear some of his accrued leave by 31 December and circumstances had found him facing the time alone and at a loose end.  Lyn and her family were spending this Christmas with her in-laws in Edinburgh, so he couldn’t go to Manchester, and Laura had flown off to Rome with Ellen Jacoby to spend Christmas with Ellen’s brother, so there’d be no Christmas drinks there.

Worst of all, James had been rostered to work through the Christmas/New Year period as he was mentoring Constable Julie Lockhart while she prepared for her OSPRE, and they were near the top of the rotation.  It was all a part of CS Innocent’s plan to nudge James towards inspector, which meant Robbie was supposed to keep his distance.  That Robbie had leave to clear was coincidental, or so Innocent had said.

Being by himself wasn’t the issue, though.  Robbie didn’t mind his own company from time to time.  It was the thought of nearly two weeks without James at his side that had unsettled Robbie the most.  It would be the first Christmas holiday period since Robbie had returned to Oxford that wouldn’t be spent in James’s company in some shape or form.

Robbie had finished up the last of his paperwork and had been shuffling papers around to look busy when James had appeared at the side of his desk, holding Robbie’s coat.  “I think we’ve earned ourselves an early start on Christmas, don’t you?” he’d said.  Not only did James’s question not make sense, given he wasn’t getting a Christmas break, Robbie had been reluctant to be far from James’s company all day, and leaving early certainly hadn’t been a part of his plans.  Good copper that he was, James had understood, as he’d continued, “Join me for dinner?  Might be my only chance at any sort of Christmas celebration and I’d rather not eat alone.”

Thirty minutes later they’d found themselves seated in one of their favourite pubs, debating the merits of the Christmas menu.

“You look much happier.”  James smiled warmly at him.  It was a look Robbie had observed James kept solely for him and one Robbie would never grow tired off.

“I am.  Thanks for invitin’ me.”  Robbie wouldn’t have said he was in a festive mood, but thanks to the excellent company, good food, and ale, he was more cheerful than he’d been a couple of hours earlier.  “Bloody lucky for us there was a free table.”

“You’re welcome.”  James rested his chin in one hand.  “Truth is, luck had nothing to do with it.  Frank was more than happy to find a place for two of his favourite coppers.”  Frank was the licensee, and the on-duty bar manager, and Robbie and James had recently helped him figure out which staff member had been stealing from the pub and its customers.  James lowered his eyes and fiddled with his fork.  “And it troubled me seeing you look so… pissed off.”

“I wasn’t pissed off,” Robbie began to argue.  “I was…”  He sighed.  “You’ll think I’m daft, but I’ll miss your smart-arsery and quotes and snarky comments.”  _And your face and walking beside you._

“It’s only ten days **,** ” James replied quietly, as turned his glass on the table.  “Ten days of biting my tongue or having Julie worried she’s said or done something wrong.”

“Poor lass.  She doesn’t understand you like I do.”

“No one understands me like you do, sir.”  James drank the last of his pint and started tapping his fingers on the tabletop.  Robbie stilled them by placing his own hand over James’s.  James gave him a curious glance.

“No need for the Morse code,” Robbie said lightly.  “I’m finished here; you don’t have to wait.”

The night was bitterly cold, with the promise of coming snow, but it wouldn’t be cold enough to deter James from going outside for his post-meal cigarette.  Robbie knew from experience that only driving snow or rain could achieve that, and though he’d prefer James quit smoking, Robbie would always join James outside until such time as he did.

Thankfully, no one, not even James, had ever asked him why.  Robbie doubted he could find the words to adequately explain the pleasure he garnered from watching James without it sounding sexual, which, he had had to admit to himself, it partly was.  James would tilt his head backwards as he exhaled, forcing the smoke high above both their heads.  Robbie would take in the long line of James’s neck, the movement of his jaw and hand, and the look of relief and pleasure on James’s face.  Robbie held onto a foolish dream that one day he would be the cause of that same expression, that he would be the one who made James happy.

Fastening his coat and wrapping his scarf tightly around his neck and head, Robbie followed James through the door to the garden.  Three young boys, brothers, Robbie guessed, if their similar hairstyle and jackets were anything to go by, were oblivious to the cold as they raced around on the empty lawn in a wild game of tag.  Their parents, both with cigarettes in hand, stood huddled together under an awning watching the game, occasionally yelling out a warning to one boy or another.  A gust of wind encouraged Robbie to inch closer to James, until they were pressed together at the shoulder, leaning into each other.  Robbie briefly imagined James was leaning against him.

As was the way of kids, when trouble came, it came swiftly.  The smallest boy tagged one of his brothers, let out a loud, victorious _whoop_ , and sprinted away from his pursuer.  His feet flew out from under him as he attempted a sharp, dodging turn, and he shot down the embankment into the river.  A series of sharp cracks signalled breaking ice.

James was halfway across the lawn, his long coat discarded on the grass as he ran, before the parents recovered from the shock.  Robbie was close behind James, instantly ‘on duty’.  Personal concerns and fears were pushed away.  His focus was on the boy and assisting James in any way.  By the time the parents reached the other two boys and hauled them back from the bank, James was in the water and pulling the stunned boy out.  Robbie braced himself on the bank to help them up the slick, grassy slope.

“I’ve got blankets!”  The cry came from behind Robbie, who recognised Frank’s voice.  James grabbed Robbie’s arm as he released the boy to his panicked mother, who frantically whispered, “thank you,” over and over.  Frank wrapped a blanket around the boy and passed another to James.

James’s hands were shaking so much that Robbie had to help him wrap himself up.  He had to fold James’s fingers around the edge of the blanket so he could hold it in place.  Robbie took off his own coat and put it over James’s wet head and shoulders, grateful for the jumper he’d chosen to wear under his jacket that day.  However, the woollen garment would only hold the cold at bay for a short time.  Robbie would have to get out of the cold quickly or risk his own health as well.

“My son’s a nurse,” Frank said.  “He’s inside.  He can check you both over.  Last bloody thing you want is hypothermia.”

“Y-y-y-you go,” James managed to say and made to head in the direction of the car park.

“Sergeant Hathaway, please,” Frank pleaded, gesturing towards the pub’s doors.  The family was already hurrying towards the guaranteed warmth and care indoors.  A small crowd had gathered by the entrance, watching curiously.

“James–” Robbie started.

“J-j-j-just w-w-w-ant to g-g-go h-home, s-sir.”  James held Robbie’s gaze.  “Y-y-you know wh-wh-what t-t-t-to d-do.”

Robbie hesitated, taking in the stubborn set of James’s face.  He was torn between being James’s boss and being his friend.  He briefly considered ordering James inside the pub, quickly deciding it could turn into a disaster.  James hated being the centre of attention, which he would be if they walked back inside the pub, and he’d be slow to forgive Robbie for that.  And it wasn’t the time or place to get into an argument.  The critical thing was to get James somewhere warm as soon as possible.  Quickly getting inside the pub would be best; however, once Robbie got James in the car, he could take him to A&E.

Robbie pulled two business cards from his wallet and handed them to Frank.  “It’s okay.  I’ll see to it James is taken care of.  If you or the family need any further assistance, please call me.  I’ll get your blanket back to you as soon as I can.”

Frank opened and closed his mouth, nodded once, stuffed the cards in his jacket pocket, and hurried to catch up with the family.

“Right, you.”  Robbie found James’s elbow under the blanket and steered him towards the car park, retrieving James’s coat on the way.  The shivering was growing more intense.  At the car, Robbie stripped James’s wet jacket off, and helped him into his dryer coat.  The jacket, blanket, and Robbie’s dampened coat were tossed into the boot.  He opened the passenger side door for James.  “Hospital for you.”

“No!”  James stood rigidly beside the car.  “Y-y-y-ou–”

“James, I’m not a doctor.  Get in, please.”  Robbie tugged on James’s arm.  He was immoveable.  _Bloody hell, why do you have to be so bloody stubborn._   “James!”

“Ho-ho-home.”  James glared at him.

Robbie avoided throwing his hands up in exasperation.  Asking James to explain why he was against medical care, while James was shivering too hard to talk normally, was pointless: they didn’t have time.  Robbie had seconds to decide what to do and what the potential fallout would be.  If James succumbed to hypothermia, the repercussions could be devastating.  If Robbie forced James to the hospital against his clearly, if briefly, expressed wishes, the damage to their relationship could be irreparable.   Head and heart fought a fierce battle.

Robbie did know what to do to help James.  Having a nurse for a daughter meant Robbie had been the (often unwilling) beneficiary of multiple lectures on emergency care and first aid, on top of the regular first aid courses and refreshers he and James had been required to attend.  He took in James’s condition.  Shivering was a good sign, as was James’s ability to think clearly, if not wisely.  Robbie also had the option of being able to call for an ambulance at any time.

“Fine,” Robbie sighed.  “I’ll take you home.  My place, though.  Sooner we get you dry and properly thawed out the better, and mine’s closer.  Now get in the bloody car.”  He had to put James’s seatbelt on for him.

Robbie started the car and adjusted the car’s heating vents, directing the warming air to flow around James rather than directly on him.  James sat hunched forward, his eyes closed and his arms folded tightly across his body.  As Robbie drove away from the pub, he actively recalled everything he knew about hypothermia.  Dry.  Warm.  No hot baths.  No massage.  No heat pads, heat lamps, electric blankets, or alcohol.  Tea or cocoa were okay, if James felt he could drink it.  Soup?  And there was something about body heat.  Or was that from a movie plot?

He could call Lyn, but she was fond of James and he didn’t want her worrying unnecessarily or delivering another lecture.  Despite the building warmth in the car, Robbie could hear James’s teeth chattering hard.

“Not long now, James.  I’ve got a nice duvet and some warm clothes with your name on them.”  He thought James nodded, but it was hard to tell voluntary and involuntary movements apart.

Robbie turned onto his street and was astounded to see a parking space right beside the door to his building.  He gave silent thanks to a god he barely believed in as he parked the car and hurried to get James inside.

The short walk from car to door had Robbie shivering, and contrasted sharply with the warmth of the flat that surrounded them as they entered.  He’d never been so grateful for the programmed timer on the heating as he was at that moment.  Closing and locking the door behind him, Robbie steered James into the bathroom.  He peeled James’s coat off with the intention of hanging it in the hallway.  He could retrieve James’s jacket and his own coat from the car in the morning.  Clean towels hung on the railing behind James, easily within his reach.

“Get the rest of those wet clothes off and dry yourself as best you can.  I’ll be back in a tick with dry clothes for you.”

“Sh-sh-sh-sh-should I…?”  James gestured towards the shower.

James’s lapse of judgement was a concern.  Robbie would have to watch him carefully.  “No shower.  No bath.  No hot water.  You know that, yeah?”

It was a clear nod from James this time.

With James’s coat hung neatly on the hallway rack, Robbie checked the heating settings.  The thermostat sat on 19°C and the timer was set to go off at midnight and come back on at 6am.  He raised the temperature to 22°C.  He didn’t want to push the heat any further than that.  In James’s current condition, overheating could bring its own dangers.  He left the timer as it was.  If all went well, James would be warm and in bed before midnight, and if it didn’t, they would be at the hospital before midnight, so the heating going off would have no impact either way.  Robbie then retrieved the promised warm clothes from his bedroom, automatically pulling the room door closed behind him as he left, and took the spare duvet from the hallway cupboard.

Robbie returned to the bathroom to find James had toed off his shoes but was struggling with his shirt buttons as his hands were trembling too much.  Setting the clothes and duvet on the vanity cupboard beside the basin, Robbie asked quietly, “Would you like some help?”

James’s hands dropped to his sides and he nodded once more.  Quickly and silently, Robbie undressed him, first his shirt and t-shirt, and then, as James leant against the vanity for balance, his trousers and socks, all the while taking care to avoid eye contact.  Though there was a professional line being crossed here – inspectors weren’t supposed to strip their sergeants – it was the personal line that worried Robbie most.  They were friends, best friends, Robbie believed, but James was a deeply private person.  This couldn’t be comfortable for him, yet it had to be done if James was to avoid hypothermia.  Robbie could only hope it wouldn’t cause James, now exposed to Robbie, to distance himself.

Leaving James in his boxers, Robbie reached behind and pulled the largest of the towels off the railing, handing it to James.

“You be all right to finish off, get yourself dry, and put those on?”  Robbie pointed to the tracky bottoms and top, warm socks, and duvet, still avoiding James’s eyes.

“Y-y-y-yes.  No b-b-b-buttons.”

“Right.  I’ll get some tea.”  Robbie left the door ajar as he left so he could hear if James got into any difficulties.  He was worried about the faint bluish tinge that had appeared around James’s mouth, and was concerned that despite the overall warmth of the flat, the duvet and clothes wouldn’t provide enough heat.  Gentle, constant, all-over warmth was what James needed.  Body heat.  How in the hell was Robbie going to suggest that without making James feel more uncomfortable?  _Look, James, I’ve just undressed you and now I think you should sleep with me._   That had the potential to go down like a lead balloon.

The kettle was gradually coming to the boil when Robbie heard the bathroom door close and another door open.

“What the–”

Surely to goodness James wasn’t disoriented and had left the flat?  Robbie hurried from the kitchen.  The front door was still closed and locked.  However, his bedroom door was open, and James stood in the doorway, wrapped in the spare duvet and swaying slightly.

“James?  Is there something else you need?”  Robbie walked towards him.

“T-to sleep.  I j-just want t-to s-s-sleep.”

Quiet alarm filled Robbie.  It could merely be the adrenaline rush wearing off, or…

“James, you didn’t hit your head when you went into the river, did you?”

James twisted around and slumped against the door frame.  He shook his head.  “W-went in f-f-feet first.  J-just tired.”  The effort of controlling the cold-induced stutter was putting a visible strain on him.

“You’d better get into bed, then.”  Robbie hadn’t expected this.  To be honest, he wasn’t sure what he’d expected.  He did find it intriguing that James had made his way to the bedroom and not the couch, where he usually slept, though now wasn’t the time for Robbie to dwell on that.  In the kitchen, the kettle rumbled to the boil and shut itself off with a loud clunk.  Robbie manoeuvred James to the side of the bed.  He didn’t bother with the overhead light or bedside lamp as there was enough light coming in from the rest of the flat for his purposes.  Robbie pulled down the covers and all but rolled James into bed, pulling away the extra duvet from him and tossing it across the end of the bed.

James wrapped icy fingers around Robbie’s wrist.  “S-sleep with m-me?”

Robbie havered.  “Sleep with you?”

“B-b-body heat,” James murmured.  “Isn’t that s-s-s-s’posed to be b-b-best?

_Well,_ Robbie thought.  _That’s saved me bringing it up._ “You’re comfortable with me being your heat source?”

“P-p-please.”  James blinked twice, seemingly only becoming aware of what he was asking.  “Th-th-that… only if y-y-you…”

Robbie put his hand over James’s.  “You’re all right, lad.  Settle yourself down.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”  He pulled the bedclothes up over James, ensuring he was well covered.

Before leaving the bedroom, Robbie took his mobile from his trouser pocket, switched it to silent, and left it face down on the bedside table.  Returning to the kitchen, he leant heavily against the work top and took several deep and supposedly settling breaths, very aware what he was about to do could turn into a complete disaster.

He’d known for some time that James’s affections for him went well beyond simple friendship, though James had certainly done his damnedest to keep it secret.  To their colleagues and friends, they had a solid, much envied, professional police partnership, closer and more committed to each other than many married couples.  This wasn’t unusual.  The best policing teams had the strongest bonds.  However, the long hours they had spent together had given Robbie a unique perspective on James, and being an exceptional detective had allowed him to piece together the small fragments James did reveal, creating a picture Robbie was certain only he saw.

However, Robbie knew something James didn’t: his feelings towards James would fully reciprocate James’s towards him.  Robbie had known since the day he’d ploughed into a burning building to save James.  Standing by James’s hospital bed, waiting for him to regain consciousness, Robbie’s head had confirmed the truth he’d been denying his heart.

It wasn’t the first time Robbie had lost his heart to a bloke.  Though he’d fancied a few girls, and dated a couple in his late teens, it was his best mate, Stuart, who’d been his first love, and lover.  The relationship had ended abruptly when Stuart had enlisted into the air force.  It had been their secret, until Robbie met Val.  He’d taken a gamble when he’d decided to tell her about Stuart, about his attraction to men and women.  As their wedding day had approached, his need to be honest with her had overridden the very real possibility she might leave him and expose him.

Her response had left him in more deeply in love with her.  “Love is love, Robbie,” she’d said.  “The heart wants what it wants, and you’ve chosen me.  That’s all that matters.”  Over the years, he’d looked at others, men and women, and had been attracted to a few.  He was only human, for Pete’s sake.  But he had _never_ given Val any reason to doubt his love and commitment to her.

After Val was killed, he didn’t think he’d love again.  Not like that.  Trying to run from his grief and loneliness, he’d had a brief relationship while on secondment in the British Virgin Islands, away from Oxford’s prying eyes.  Robbie had ended it when he’d realised the other bloke was only interested in the physical side of things.  Robbie wanted and needed more than that.

Then the lanky, aloof, god-bothering, snarky, brilliant, passionate James Hathaway had been assigned to pick him up at Heathrow that fateful day.  “Are you for me?”  Robbie’s first words to James.  Robbie shook his head, a faint smile crossing his face.  He could never have imagined being here today.

_Ah, bollocks!_   No matter how true his feelings, how honest his intentions, how deeply he loved James, there was nothing Robbie could do about it.  Not in the early days, when he believed the attraction was one-sided, nor later when James had unknowingly revealed himself, and definitely not now, with James so vulnerable.

Robbie had been careful not to prompt James or inadvertently drop hints about how he truly felt.  As James’s boss, he couldn’t do anything that could be construed as manipulating James or abusing his power over James.  Any move forward had to come from James, which was unlikely to happen, as Robbie doubted James would risk compromising the relationship they did have for what he might hope could be.

When Robbie had first discovered James shared his affection, he’d given some thought to confessing all to James and then retiring so they could be together – and he’d weighed up the ways it could go wrong.  Robbie probably knew James better than anyone besides James himself, yet he would be the first to admit that James was still very much a mystery.  To Robbie’s mind, there was a very real risk that, despite hearing the truth from Robbie, James could choose to walk away.  It might be to protect his own heart – not allowing himself believe Robbie’s declaration of love, for whatever reason, and seeing Robbie’s retirement as a form of rejection – or to protect Robbie’s reputation, or a combination of both.  “If you go, I go.”  James’s words still rang in Robbie’s head because he believed if James did go that way, it wouldn’t necessarily be _with_ Robbie.

Robbie could never blame James for his caution.  All he knew of Robbie’s personal history centred around Val and their children: husband, father, family man – that was the Robbie Lewis James and most of the world knew, and had no reason to believe anything otherwise.  Of those who knew Robbie’s full story, one had died and two had disappeared from Robbie’s life.  There were no mutual friends or acquaintances who knew and could have possibly enlightened James – not even Laura.  Simply telling James he was bisexual might have moved things along, but an appropriate opportunity had never arisen.

And now, as frustrating as it was, despite the fact he and James were about to share a bed for the night, Robbie anticipated that they would continue to dance around each other.

Robbie gave himself a shake and moved out of the kitchen.  Unless James was already asleep, he’d be starting to wonder where Robbie was.  He turned on the lamp that sat on the side table beside the couch, in case either of them needed to get up in hurry during the night for any reason, checked the windows, and turned out the kitchen light.  In the bathroom, he bundled up James’s damp clothes with the used towels and dropped them in the bath.  They could go into the washing machine in the morning.  He retrieved his pyjamas from where he’d left them that morning, folded on top of the laundry basket, and started to get ready for bed.

As he did so, Robbie contemplated leaving his boxers on under his pyjamas.  It wasn’t something he had ever done, not even on the coldest of nights, preferring to feel free after a day of being confined.  Then again, he’d never slept with James, either.  In the end, his own need to be physically comfortable, and remembering that he hadn’t given James any underwear, overrode any embarrassment he thought he might feel.  And he had to face one simple fact: if the worst happened and he did get an erection, boxers would do little to conceal it.

After one last look in the bathroom mirror, wondering (not for the first time) exactly what drew James to him, Robbie turned out the light, closed the door, and went to the bedroom.

As Robbie’s eyes adjusted, the light from the lamp gradually created shadows in the bedroom.  From the sound of James’s stuttering breaths, he was still shivering, though not as severely.  Robbie walked around to the far side of the bed, taking care not to bump into anything, and slid under the covers.  He positioned himself near the centre of the bed immediately behind James, though not quite touching him.  He’d been right about the shivering.  Having assumed James had fallen asleep, Robbie started when James spoke.

“I d-d-don't think b-body heat works that way,” James muttered, wriggling backwards until his back was pressed against Robbie's chest and his legs curled to fit the curve of Robbie's slightly bent knees.

“Christ, man, you're still frozen solid!” Robbie gasped, and instinctively pulled James tightly to his body.

“G-getting warmer now,” James murmured, his voice quickly growing heavy with sleep.

Robbie fought the desire to shiver along with James at the chill now filling his own body.  James would certainly pull away if he thought he was causing Robbie discomfort, and Robbie wasn't having that.  James needed him.  It was a warming thought.

_Lad needs more meat on his bones.  Should've been keeping a better eye on him.  Daft sod probably lives on coffee and cigarettes when no-one else is around.  That's going to change.  Somehow._

James's shivering began to ease slightly.  Robbie ran one hand along James's arm until he found his hands, clasped together and tucked under his chin. Robbie folded his hand as best he could over the icy fist. James uttered a soft sigh and relaxed further against Robbie.

“The b-boy.”  James’s words were slightly muffled.  “Should ch-check on the boy. 

“Hush.”  Robbie squeezed James’s hands.  “I’ll give Frank a call in the morning, see what he can tell us.  Don’t worry; I’m sure the lad’s fine.  You got to him quickly and there was a qualified nurse to take care of him.  You’re my biggest concern right now.”

James nodded and fell quiet.

Robbie lay as still as possible, monitoring James carefully.  He was still toying with the idea of taking James to hospital.  Robbie could tell how cold James’s body was to his touch, but he had no accurate way of checking his core temperature.  Robbie only finally allowed himself to relax as James's shivering began to lessen and finally cease, and warmth began to return to Robbie’s body.  Robbie had kept his watch on and he checked the time.  The luminous dial showed it was only 9pm.  Robbie couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in bed so early.  The yawn caught him by surprise, stretching his jaw wide.  It appeared sleep wasn’t going to be as elusive as he thought.

 

**********

 

Robbie lazily blinked open his eyes.  The soft glow from the lamp was the only light coming into the room.  He’d been dreaming about Val, a dream he’d had often.

It was a lazy winter morning they’d shared shortly after Lyn had returned to university for the second year of her nursing degree and Mark had been considering his options for the following year.  He and Val were facing the prospect of an empty home and had been talking about their own plans.  Val had grown quiet.

“I want to you make me a promise, Robbie,” she’d said sombrely.

“Anything, pet,” he’d replied.

“Whatever happens in the future, promise me you’ll remember I want you to be happy.”  As she spoke, she had curled against him, tucking her head under his chin.

The dream had started shortly after Val had been killed, when he believed he could never be happy again.  He had no way of knowing what events would trigger the dream, and when it hit it inevitably left him feeling haunted and alone.

Not today.  He could still feel Val wrapped around him, and in his waking state he imagined holding her closer to him.  The grunt that followed was not Val-like, and Robbie was fully awake in an instant.

There was a head tucked under his chin that was not Val’s.  The hair was short and surprisingly soft, and belonged to James, who was curled against Robbie as Val had been on that distant morning.  Except James also had one arm draped over Robbie’s waist and a leg hooked over Robbie’s calves.  He was comfortingly warm and heavy-limbed.  And Robbie was happy.  And perturbed because he didn’t know what to do.

If James were to wake now, the odds were he would be horrified and start babbling apologies as he made a getaway.  Or he might simply wake and bolt from the room.  Not that he would get too far without clean, dry clothes.  Either way it would be uncomfortable for them both.  Robbie debated with himself about attempting to make some space between them.  He should move, really.  For James's sake, so James wouldn’t wake to find himself in such an intimate position with his boss.  Robbie wouldn’t, couldn't hold James accountable for something he'd done in his sleep, but James would.  Because he would have betrayed his inner soul to Robbie and revealed the secret Robbie knew he’d worked so hard to keep hidden.

However, if – and it was a big if – James wasn’t where he was entirely by accident, and he woke as Robbie was disentangling himself, he could only see it as Robbie rejecting him.

There was also the faintest possibility James’s response would be one of only slight embarrassment, a muttered apology… and a lot of distance between them for a long time to come.

With a groan and a snuffle as he woke, James took away any options Robbie had.  Now it would be about managing whatever happened next.

_Damn it, James, lad.  What are you doing to me?_

Like a cat uncurling, James untucked his head and drew back just far enough to look Robbie in the eyes.  The faint light coming into the room from the lamp was enough for Robbie to see James blink slowly at him.  Robbie waited.  James smiled, his limbs still relaxed against Robbie’s body.  Robbie was baffled.  Maybe he was still dreaming?

“Morning.”  James’s voice was husky with sleep. 

No.  Not dreaming.  “Morning, James.  Feeling better?”

“Hmmm, much.  What time is it?”

Twisting his wrist to check his watch again, Robbie answered, “It’s just gone half-five.”  The mundaneness of the conversation was surreal.

“Half-five.  Don’t have to be at work ‘til half-eight.”  James stretched against Robbie.  The leg over Robbie’s calves slid slowly down until James’s foot came to rest on top of Robbie’s.  There was the slip of skin against skin; James’s sock must have come off during the night.  There was no sign of discomfort or embarrassment from James, who hadn’t taken his eyes off Robbie’s face.

_What in the hell…?_   Robbie’s copper’s brain unravelled the puzzle in an instant.  This could not be what it seemed, and yet…  James was acting as though he was exactly where he wanted to be, which could only be true if James had some idea of the longing Robbie had for him, and knew that Robbie was aware of how James felt about him.

Which, he’d realised, wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility.  He and James were more alike than different in some significant ways.  They were intensely private people, each carried secrets from their past (though Robbie didn't know exactly what James's were), both were brilliant detectives, and both loved deeply.  It stood to reason, Robbie concluded, that if he had been able to discern James’s heart, then there was every reason to presume James had discovered his and, for whatever reason, had chosen this series of events, this moment, to act.

Whatever was going to follow from here would all depend on how Robbie followed – or didn’t follow – James’s lead.  Ultimately, there could only be two possible outcomes: gloriously right or shatteringly wrong.  Robbie made his decision.  Now it was up to James.  Fingertips grazed Robbie’s side.

“Merry Christmas, sir.”  James’s smile radiated contentment.

“Merry Christmas, James.”  Robbie's gaze flicked down to the small gap between them and he chuckled softly.  “Think ‘sir' might be a bit formal, though.  Under the circumstances.”

James tilted his head, his smile unchanging.  “Oh, I don’t know.”  His face drew closer to Robbie's.  “Maybe I like calling you ‘sir’, regardless of the circumstances.”  His voice dropped to a purr.  “Sir.”

With that, James closed the gap between them and kissed Robbie, who unhesitatingly kissed him back.  Too soon, James drew away.  Robbie inched forward slightly, following James's lips, reluctant to let him go too far.  James studied Robbie, his eyes carefully taking in every detail of his face.  The arm that had been at Robbie's waist moved down until James's hand came to rest on Robbie's hip.

Robbie held his breathing as steady as he could, but there was nothing to be done about his heart rate, which was telegraphing his state of mind through his body to James.  Nor could he stop the growing bulge in his pyjamas, which would literally make its presence felt if James were to let his hand drop a few inches.

James kissed Robbie again, gentle yet demanding.  He raised himself on to one elbow and used his hand to press against Robbie’s hip, clearly intent on getting Robbie onto his back.  As Robbie yielded, James’s fingers slipped under Robbie’s top and grazed along his bare side.  Robbie let out a hiss of pleasure and fell onto his back, pulling James on top of him.

Encouraged, James got a hand between them and undid the buttons of Robbie’s pyjama top, exposing his stomach and chest.  Robbie bit his bottom lip, stifling a moan of deep pleasure as James lowered his head and began to leave a trail of kisses across Robbie’s skin.  A line of heat followed James’s mouth from the top of Robbie’s navel to his nipples and up to his throat.  Warm fingers followed, teasing Robbie’s nipples as James found Robbie’s mouth again.

James’s tongue prodded and stroked Robbie’s lips until Robbie let him in.  Robbie hadn’t been kissed this way for many years.  He was light-headed with joy and overwhelmed with desire.  Without breaking the kiss, James smoothly changed his position until he was kneeling over Robbie, his knees pressed against Robbie’s thighs.  He leant on one elbow and cradled Robbie’s face with his other hand.  Robbie brought his hands to rest on James’s waist, thrilled to finally be able to touch him freely.  James lowered himself onto Robbie, pausing when he came in to contact with the throbbing bulge in Robbie’s pyjamas.  With a soft moan, James began to rock, his erection hot and solid against Robbie’s own.

As James’s pace and pressure increased, it was all Robbie could do to not grip James’s arse and thrust his hips hard against James.  “Christ, James,” he managed to gasp, “Keep this up an' I'm gonna make a right mess of meself.”

James immediately stopped and sat back on his haunches, straddling Robbie's legs, and throwing the bedclothes off.  Goosebumps rose over Robbie’s exposed chest at the sudden loss of James’s heat.  James’s gaze drifted down Robbie's body, from face to groin and back again.  Robbie held his breath.

“Well,” James whispered, “we can't have that, can we?”

_Buggering hell_ , Robbie berated himself.   _Why couldn't I have kept me mouth shut?_

James started to move, though not off the bed as Robbie was expecting.  Flashing a grin that sent an electrifying shiver through Robbie, James swung himself to one side so he was kneeling in the centre of the bed.  Reaching forward, he tucked his fingers into the waistband of Robbie's pyjama bottoms and pulled them up and towards himself. Robbie's hips lifted off the mattress with the movement and he watched in astonishment as the garment floated from James's hands to the floor. 

By the time Robbie registered that James had no intention of stopping there, James's clothes had followed a similar path and he was tugging at Robbie’s loose pyjama top.  Robbie somehow managed to sit up and shrug it off, pushing it to one side before dropping back onto the bed.  James loomed over him, placing one hand firmly on either side of Robbie's chest.  Gradually working his knees one at a time between Robbie's knees, James lowered himself onto Robbie, who spread his legs and canted his hips to receive him.

What followed was a blur of images and impressions in Robbie’s memory.  They instinctively found a rhythm as James’s cock, slick with pre-come, slid smoothly against his own.  James’s tongue continually teased, as did his hands.  Robbie was overwhelmed with sensation as he tried to commit every touch, taste, and smell to memory.  He came as James thrust hard against him.  He cried out, but couldn’t remember if he’d uttered an intelligible word or merely a sound of ecstasy and release.  James called out Robbie’s name when he came few moments later.  Liquid heat curled over Robbie’s groin and belly.  James held himself up on trembling arms as he continued to drop feathery kisses along Robbie’s neck and jaw.

“Oh, James,” Robbie whispered, wrapping his arms around James and holding him tight to his chest.  They lay together as their breathing slowed.  Robbie’s heart thumped loudly in his ears, its rhythm faster than James’s, which Robbie could feel as James lay against him.

James shivered in Robbie’s arms.  They were naked, sweaty, smeared with rapidly cooling semen, and uncovered.

“You still awake, pet?”  Robbie gently nudged James with one hand as he felt around for his discarded pyjama top with the other. 

“M’hmm.” James half-rolled, half-slid off Robbie, wearing a sleepy, satisfied expression as he curled around Robbie’s side.

Robbie smiled fondly.  He used his top to clean himself and James up as well as he could, removing whatever he could reach that hadn’t yet dried on their skin, finally throwing the soiled cloth towards the floor.  They would both need to shower, but not yet.  Robbie stretched out his free leg and managed to hook the duvet with his foot, getting it close enough to grab an edge and pull it over himself and James.

He heard the familiar noise of the heating coming on.  Barely 30 minutes had passed since James had woken.  It wasn’t the first time Robbie’s life had been turned upside down in such a short period of time.  He wrapped his arms around James and held him close once again.  When Robbie had gone to work yesterday, he’d been out of sorts at the prospect of not having James’s company for the next ten days.  Now he had a precious and unexpected Christmas gift – the hope of a future with James beside him.  Robbie would be able to fulfil his promise to Val.  He would be happy.

 

**********

 

Weak daylight softly lit the bedroom when Robbie woke again. He'd rolled onto his side in his sleep and was facing James, who was also on his side, wide awake.  Robbie had to have fallen into a deep sleep to have not stirred as James had disentangled himself.  Unsettlingly, there was a gap between them wide enough for a small child to have comfortably slipped in.  James held the duvet tightly under his chin. His eyes were fixed on Robbie and his face was unreadable.  Robbie had woken to a future which held so many possibilities, or so he'd thought.  Everything about James's posture and expression said otherwise.

_Easy does it, man._   Robbie considered his approach. “Morning.”

James blinked but otherwise didn't move.   “You're still here,” he eventually murmured.  It was an observation, nothing more.

“Of course I am,” Robbie replied gently.  “Where did you think I'd be?” It was his flat, after all.

“Not _here_.”  James lowered his eyes.

“Oh.”

Robbie paused.  James's tendency to overthink and second-guess himself at work was something Robbie had learned to negotiate.  This situation, however, was uncharted territory.  ‘Here be dragons’ territory.  Big, bloody fire-breathing, hope-shattering dragons if Robbie got this wrong.  Was James having second thoughts?  Had Robbie's own affection towards and longing for James caused him to assume a greater desire on James's part for something to happen between them?  Had he made a huge mistake?  Perhaps James had been satisfied with loving Robbie at arm's length.

_Bloody hell.  You're the one overthinking, y’daft bugger.  You're a detective, so bloody detect._

Drink wasn't a factor in what had transpired; they'd only had a pint each before James’s unexpected dip in the Cherwell.  They'd both managed to sleep for at least eight hours (which was almost unheard of for Robbie).  James hadn't hit his head.  They'd both been awake and lucid for the first kiss.

The answer came to him in the form of a mental slap to the forehead.  No, Robbie hadn't got it wrong.  Not about James.  It was James who thought he'd got it wrong about Robbie and as a result had overstepped.  Because James still didn't know critical elements of Robbie's history.

“I see,” Robbie said at last. He was surprised to discover he'd been holding his breath.  “You thought I might be hiding in the kitchen.  Or checking me pension plan to see if I could retire today.  Maybe you thought I was wondering if Laxton needed a new sergeant.”  It wasn’t hard for Robbie to come up with scenarios that might have filled James’s mind that morning.

James’s nod was reluctant, almost fearful.  “I took advantage.  I had no right.”

Robbie smiled gently, resisting the impulse to caress James's cheek.  “You can be a right daft sod sometimes, lad,” he whispered.

Confusion marked James’s face.  “I don’t…?”

“James.”  Robbie exhaled heavily.  “Do you really think I couldn’t have stopped you at any time?”

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t want to.”

James stared, slack-jawed.  “You, what…you _didn’t?_ ”

“You sound surprised.”

“ _Sound surprised?_   I’m… I... But you’re…  You were married to Mrs Lewis for a long time, and I’ve only ever known you to go out with women, and I’m not a woman.  I never let myself believe that you might…”  James huffed, dropped onto his back, and stared at the ceiling.

Robbie’s chest tightened at the realisation James hadn’t worked out Robbie wanted him.  He had risked everything on a gut reaction.  And yet, in Robbie’s experience, James wasn’t a risk taker.  There had to be something more.

“You were willing to take a chance despite that, though, weren’t you?” Robbie asked softly.

James didn’t simply blush.  His entire head and neck flushed.  “I thought… when we were on the way here last night… when I remembered about using body heat… I thought if I could have one night beside you that that would be enough, and you’d never have to know there was more to it for me.  Then this morning, you were still there.  Calm.  Relaxed.  Unflustered by me being all over you.  You were awake before me and you didn’t move and you could have.  I knew I had to take a risk or spend the rest of my life wondering if I should have.  You haven’t surprised me, you’ve blown me away, but I don’t really understand how or why.”

“What did you expect to happen?”

Robbie’s watch ticked loudly in the still, silent room.  James glanced quickly towards him, and then settled his gaze back on the ceiling.  He exhaled heavily, slowly.

“I thought I'd get to kiss you once, maybe twice, then you’d gently stop me, smile, and let me down, explaining kindly, calmly, that it, we, could never be, not in _that_ way.  You'd reassure me that what happened changed nothing between us, though we'd both know it had changed forever, and after a few days of awkwardness, made easier because I'd be at work and you wouldn't, we'd find a new footing and be able to continue on as sergeant and inspector, and the world would never know of my foolishness.  I’m sorry.  You were never supposed to know.  If that little boy hadn’t taken a header into the river, you wouldn’t know.”

Robbie propped himself up on one elbow so he had a better view of James’s face.  “That’s where you’re wrong, James.  I’ve known since the morning I turned up for work and you’d been there all night, piecing together the evening Chloe Brooks was attacked, all because I’d said, ‘something wasn’t right’.  My gut also told me it wasn’t something new for you.”

James’s head snapped around and he looked at Robbie, aghast.  “You knew?  And you didn’t say anything?”

Robbie nodded slowly.  “I’m the one who owes you an apology, James, and an explanation.  The first thing you need to know is… you’re not the first bloke I’ve been with.”  James’s eyes grew wide and round.  “You’re not the second either.  Sorry.”  There’d be time for details later.  “Yeah, Val and I had nearly twenty-four years together because we loved each other.  But if I hadn’t met Val, I don’t know what would have happened.  I know a lot of people think I should be with Laura, but we’re just friends.  Don’t get me wrong, I care about Laura.  It’s just that… I care about you more.  Much more.  Since the Chloe Brooks case, I’ve been watching and waiting for you to see that I was here, waiting.  I couldn’t say or do anything, not while you were still my sergeant.  You had to be the one who took the first step.”  He lowered his head back onto the pillow.  James’s eyes followed him.  “And there’s one other thing,” Robbie continued.  “I don’t do… flings, one-nighters, whatever you want to call them.  I’m in this for the long haul.  If that’s what you want.  If you want me.”

In the ensuing silence, Robbie could hear his heart beat in a rapid counterpoint to the ticking of his watch as he waited for James’s response.

James rolled towards him, his eyes wide with wonder, closing the space between them.  “You hid your heart well.  Or I’m not as good a detective as my record would indicate.”

Robbie sighed.  “I grew up in Newcastle at a time where being… different… could get you beaten up or killed.  Then I joined the police.  Hiding my heart became second nature, and when you know how to hide yourself well, you instinctively learn to read the signs in others.  Don’t know if it’s of any comfort to you, but you’re not the only one at the nick who’s been hiding their heart.”

James raised a hand and caressed Robbie’s cheek.  “All that matters to me is that I don’t have to hide from you anymore.”  He pushed his fingers through Robbie’s hair until he was cradling the back of Robbie’s head.  As James moved towards him, Robbie’s lips parted and he closed his eyes, waiting to be claimed.

They both jumped when Robbie’s mobile buzzed loudly and insistently.

“Leave it,” James murmured, kissing the corner of Robbie’s mouth.  “You’re on holiday.”

“It’s Christmas morning; it’ll be Lyn.  If I don’t answer, she’ll worry something’s wrong.”

James flopped back on the bed with a groan as Robbie retrieved his phone.

“Merry Christmas, pet!”

“Merry Christmas, inspector.”  CS Innocent was not amused.  Robbie sat up with a jolt.

“Sorry, ma’am.  I didn’t look at the caller ID.  I thought you were my daughter.”  The bed rocked and Robbie watched James’s bare arse disappear through the doorway, dragging the spare duvet behind him.  A poorly stifled giggle carried back to Robbie, though thankfully not to Innocent.

“I’m sorry to be calling you when you’re on leave, Lewis, but James hasn’t arrived at the station and we haven’t been able to get hold of him; both his mobile and home phone are going to voicemail.  I’ve checked with DC Lockhart and the Duty Sergeant, but neither are aware of any case-related issue he might be attending to.  There's been some chatter on the station grapevine but I'm hoping you might be able to shed some light on his whereabouts.”

James’s mobile.  Christ, where had it been when James went in the water?  Robbie felt certain he would have noticed the device in the pocket of James's trousers as he undressed him, and his coat was hanging in the hallway.  As James never put his phone on silent as far as Robbie knew, they would have heard it ringing.  That meant it had most likely been in James’s jacket pocket.  Whether it was still there or at the bottom of the Cherwell was yet to be discovered.

James stood in the hallway in Robbie's line of sight, wrapped in the duvet.  It was good to see him looking so well after his near-freezing, though Robbie wished he didn’t look so pleased with himself right at that moment.

“About James's mobile, ma'am…” Robbie began, looking at James as he did so.

James screwed his face up in a pained expression and mouthed, ‘my jacket’.

“Well, you see, James went into the Cherwell last night to rescue a wee lad.  His phone went in with him.”

“Were you there when it happened?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Please don't tell me the rumours are true, inspector.”

Robbie recognised her ‘who do we have to apologise to now’ tone.  “What rumours, ma’am?” he asked cautiously.

“That James went for a late-night swim in the river, in your presence... and you joined him.  Naked.”

Robbie’s cheeks burned.  _Oh, if she could see us now._ “As much as I enjoy a bit of a swim, ma'am, the Cherwell in winter isn't my cup of tea – dressed or otherwise.  I’m getting a bit past such carryings-on these days.  And it was more like 7pm.”

There was a noise that suggested Innocent was less than convinced of the truth of that statement.  “And where is James now?”

“Here.  After his drenching, my place was closest.  I brought him here so I could keep an eye on him and make sure he took care of himself.”

“I see, and in your opinion, is he fit for work or should I be expecting him to call in sick at some point today?  You might like to point out it's 9.30 and he was due in an hour ago.”

“He's standing right here, ma'am.  Would you like to speak to him yourself?”  _Ha!_ That had wiped the smile off James’s face.

“That would be very helpful, inspector.  Enjoy your holiday.”

It was Robbie’s turn to grin broadly as James approached him.  James’s expression slowly changed from resigned to thoughtful as he drew nearer.  Robbie held out the phone.  Unexpectedly, James took hold of Robbie’s wrist instead, pulling Robbie forward.  _What’s he playing at?_ Robbie had no time to react as James leant in and quietly completed their interrupted kiss.

Without a word, James then took the phone and turned away, moving back towards the hallway, with the duvet still wrapped around him.

“Good m–”  James cleared his throat.  “Good morning, ma’am.”  Robbie expected – hoped – Innocent would assume the huskiness in James’s voice was related to his near-freezing experience.

Robbie himself was incapable of speech, and it wasn’t because of James’s boldness while Innocent was hanging on an open call.  As brief as it had been, James’s kiss had left Robbie breathless and tingling.  It had been a declaration of James’s love and commitment.  It had said simply, “I’m yours.”

He should have been overjoyed.  Except…

Laura had once gently scolded Robbie, “people don't know how you feel about them unless you tell them.”  Now he and James had, in their own ways, but Robbie needed to hear James voice his commitment.  It wasn’t simply for Robbie’s own peace of mind.  Despite James’s quiet affirmation of Robbie’s own implied commitment, Robbie was mindful of James’s ingrained ability to dwell on an unresolved issue and reach the conclusion he thought he deserved.  Which wasn’t always for the best.  Robbie wanted to ensure that whatever else happened today, James would know, would understand beyond any doubt, that today was the beginning of a future together.

Robbie frowned.  Their biggest obstacle would be the how.  He and James could construct an exquisite duet of words in an interrogation, yet both struggled to string together two words on their emotions.

Robbie had been the same with Stuart and, in the beginning, with Val.  He was from a generation where boys and men weren't encouraged to be expansive about their feelings.  “Be a man,” was the only advice he'd ever received from his dad, a man who was away at sea for much of Robbie's childhood and gone from his life by the time Robbie was seventeen.  Robbie knew very little about James’s childhood, however, he had a strong sense he and James had travelled similar paths regarding their fathers.

Luckily for Robbie, Val had been raised in a home that was the complete opposite.  By following her lead, responding to her prompts and questions – sometimes subtle, other times as direct as a slap in the face – they'd made it through.  Her love and trust had given Robbie the courage to be vulnerable.  He would need to find that again with James and hope his example was enough to encourage James to do the same.

Beyond the how was the when.  Robbie’s frown deepened.  James was conscientious in his role as Julie’s mentor, and Robbie fully expected him to go in to the station as soon as he was able.  If James and Julie were then assigned an investigation, Robbie knew it could be at least a full twenty-four hours before he would have an opportunity to sit down with James again.  Twenty-four hours or longer in which James could begin to doubt.

“Sir?  Robbie?”  Robbie was startled out of his reverie and looked up with a jerk to find the duveted James looking at him uncertainly.  “Is something wrong?”

_Hell.  What’s that look for?_   “No.  Nothing.  Just…”  _Bloody hell, man.  He’ll be wantin’ to go if he thinks you’re havin’ second thoughts._   Robbie started to get out of bed, intending to reassure James all was well, and was stopped by James dropping the duvet and climbing into bed beside him.  “You all right?”

James nodded slightly, a slow smile lighting his face.  “I’m staying here today, and before you ask, I’m fine.  You looked after me too well.”  James took hold of Robbie’s hand under the covers.

Robbie squeezed James’s comfortingly warm fingers that were now wrapped around his.  “Not that I’m not happy to have you stay, pet, but it’s not like you to skive off.”

“I’m not skiving off.  Posh public school, remember: it’s playing truant.”  James wriggled closer.  “Our beloved Chief Super would prefer I rest today and go in at full-strength tomorrow, rather than risk overdoing it today and end up losing more time at work.”

That made sense _._ “What about Julie?”

“DI Laxton's looking for extra pairs of hands for today, and she likes Julie.  Innocent thinks she would have stolen her away even if I was in.  It's all for the best, really.  I'd be next to useless to Julie today.”

“Really?”

James lowered his eyes.  “I'd be worrying about you worrying about me worrying about us.”

“Oh?”  Robbie had no idea if denying or admitting to his concerns would be the wisest response.

“It was all over your face when I came back to the room.”

“Ah.”  _Bugger._   “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”  James kissed him.  “You know me better than anyone, and that was the proof of it.  You don’t have to worry about me.”  The next kiss was filled with promise and hope.  “I’m here and I’m not going away.  You’re stuck with me.”  He embraced Robbie and held him tight.

No quotes.  No poetry.  No fears.  No doubts.  Robbie snuggled in.  Simply James.  His James.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt from perclexed  
>  _Playful tussle, accidental shove into the river. The other is waiting for the shoe to drop. And it does. Spectacularly._


End file.
